Five Ways Parents Can Strengthen Relationships with Adult Children

A recent APA podcast noted that nearly half of U.S. adults aged 18-29 still live with a parent. While many parents welcome the company, navigating relationships with adult children can be challenging, especially as they seek autonomy. This is true whether or not the adult child is living with the parent(s).

Most parenting advice focuses on early years, leaving little guidance for fostering healthy parent-adult child relationships. Here are five strategies to strengthen these bonds:

1. Communicate About Communication

Rebuilding communication starts with an open discussion about it. Ask your child how they feel about your communication dynamics and listen without judgment.

Take responsibility for your emotions by using "I" statements like "I feel frustrated" or "I feel overwhelmed." This helps keep conversations constructive and solution-oriented.

2. Re-Evaluate Your Role

According to Transactional Analysis, individuals assume the role of parent, child, or adult in interactions. While the parent-child dynamic is natural, tension arises when parents fail to acknowledge their child's adulthood.

Transitioning to an adult-to-adult communication style requires mindfulness. Assess your tone, word choice, and approach—are you engaging as a fellow adult or a scolding parent?

3. Prioritize Respect

Avoid disrespect, hostility, or condescension during difficult conversations. Parents may have spoken sharply to young children, but maintaining that tone with an adult child can damage relationships.

Model the respect you seek. If your child speaks disrespectfully, set a boundary by calmly stating, "Please don’t talk to me that way." Consistency fosters mutual respect and a healthier connection.

4. Recognize Emotional Triggers

Full cognitive development, especially in areas related to impulse control, continues until around age 25. As a result, expecting perfect maturity from younger adults may be unrealistic.

During emotional conflicts, the brain’s fight-or-flight response can escalate tensions. If emotions run high, take a break to regain composure before continuing. However, avoid using time-outs as a way to sidestep difficult conversations altogether.

5. Acknowledge Personal Narratives

Narrative therapy suggests that everyone forms internal stories about past events, which may differ from reality. Many children grow up with perceptions of their upbringing that surprise their parents. These narratives can contribute to unresolved conflicts and emotional struggles.

Rather than disputing their recollections, foster empathy. As family therapist Kristin Kleppe, PsyD, explains, “Healthy communication starts with empathy for each person’s reality; from there, families can work to rebuild a shared narrative.” A mental health professional can help facilitate this process if needed.

Five Ways to Resolve Conflict

No relationship is free from conflict. How you address disagreements can determine the health of your relationship moving forward. Here are five approaches to conflict resolution—some more effective than others:

Avoidance – Ignoring conflicts can lead to resentment and escalation over time.
Competition – A win/lose mentality makes compromise difficult and damages relationships.
Compromise – While sometimes necessary, compromise can leave both parties dissatisfied.
Accommodation – Prioritizing one person’s needs over another’s can create imbalance.
Collaboration – The healthiest resolution method, where both parties work toward a common goal.

Collaboration requires open communication, role awareness, and respect. Define a mutual goal and build solutions together, ensuring everyone’s needs are met.

The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Relationships

Even with commitment to these strategies, change takes time. If communication has broken down, a therapist can help tailor these approaches to your unique family dynamic, facilitating healthier interactions and long-term relationship growth.